I was coming down from a high of organizing and running the SDAFP symposium - it was an incredible event, if I do say so myself, bringing together almost 200 family docs for an extensive CME program that I painstakingly curated with the support of our Executive Director and Board of Directors. The energy of our community was invigorating!
Then it was right back into work the next day with some heavy emotional labor in patient care. And finally time to address some personal health issues that I had put off. Not to mention some clinic inbox issues had piled up - it was catch up time!
I was talking to my daughter as we drove up to the library after a long day. I was likely distracted by our conversation, my mental to-do list, and not to mention the emerging pain in my face after the lidocaine was wearing off from a minor derm surgery earlier that day. I cut in to the lot too early and hit the curb, busting a tire and cracking my steering column, rendering it useless and leaving us stunned. Thankfully we were safe, not hurt, and right where we were headed. I sent my daughter in to get her library books while I scheduled a tow through AAA. So many kind souls popped over to check in on me. I was pretty scattered at the time, but on reflection, I am so grateful to live in a community where people really look out for one another. And I'm so happy to have AAA and tow service within minutes at the touch of a button. And I know how lucky I am to have a flexible career where I can cancel clinic last-minute for an emergency and not worry about losing my job. I absolutely recognize the privilege I have of resources and technology so I can skate through a crisis relatively unscathed.
The next day, with my clinic schedule cleared and this unexpected gift of "free time", I opened up a little bandwidth to understand what happened. Ater I Lyfted my kids to summer camp and made a plan with the local auto repair shop, I decided to take a mindful walk home. It involved scaling a sizable hill - I felt the burn in my legs and focused on my breathing while I huffed and puffed to the top. And when I got to the summit, I was able to pause and take in a beautiful vista of my town, framed by the Pacific Ocean, and found myself filled with a sense of peace and wonder.
Then I got to enjoy an easy downhill trek as I descended into my neighborhood, and felt more ready to take on the many tasks at hand. It made me remember a simple truth - it is so important to challenge ourselves and stretch ourselves, but it is equally important to set aside time to replenish ourselves when we've been through some major things, so we don't get worn down.
I was so stretched and depleted, it's no wonder I put myself at risk of an accident. As my kind Lyft driver reminded me this morning, "we are not machines!" We are human beings who need to rest. I know this, I tell my patients this, I've written about this probably countless times, but sometimes I still forget to apply it to my life. Ideally we don't wait for crises to emerge to stop and take care of ourselves, but sometimes that's what has to happen to do the hard reset. And that's OK. We're fallible creatures, but we can learn and try to do better the next time. I do notice that I am better able to bounce back after mis-steps these days, leaning into self-compassion and curiosity to examine the situation with more clarity than in the past. And I'm able to access equanimity a lot more easily by finding strength through a gratitude practice when facing life's challenges. These tools have become a crucial part of my resiliency and a healthier growth mindset.
So may we definitely climb the mountains, but may we also not forget to take time to enjoy the descent before tackling the next summit.
