Make Your Mark

One of my favorite parts of the day is cuddle time in the evening with our kids as they are winding down for bed. Yawning and cozy, we reflect on the day that's gone and what's to come, giggle, and sing lullabies to each other. I know one day, this tradition will end and I am soaking it up as much as I can. Besides the joy of the oxytocin rush I get with these sweet embraces, I have also been inspired by some of the incredible wisdom that has emerged out of the mouths of these babes...

The other night, we somehow came upon a discussion on the meaning of life, and my 9-year-old said, 

        Maybe it's all about making your mark. 

I was shocked to hear such a profound commentary from my daughter and I feel like it so eloquently described a fundamental aspect of my vision statement for life. While I do feel that finding our joy in life is so crucial, I believe that an extension of that is the impact you choose to have on others as you pursue your passions. When we can follow our bliss and "make our mark" in a palpable and positive way, it can be so empowering for all involved.

It always throws me when patients tell me that some thing I said to them years ago significantly changed the trajectory of their health journey. I mean, we do our best to take care of patients when they come through our doors, but so often it feels that our impact ends there. Hearing these stories from patients is a reminder of the profound effect our words and actions can have, either for good or bad. This doesn't mean we need to walk on eggshells or overthink every single thing we say. On the contrary, when we can truly realize our self-efficacy and capacity for effecting change, we can help more folks take on seemingly insurmountable challenges, whether it is getting a chronic condition under control, facing the end of life with equanimity, or emerging from trauma.

I'll never forget when a patient told me after going through sexual assault that my words of encouragement from a prior visit echoed in her head and empowered her to fight back and save herself. Or the patient who finally quit smoking after the millionth time that I bothered him about it. Or the chronically anxious patient who finally found some peace when she realized her suffering and accepted treatment. These stories can easily become faded memories, but I am challenging myself to hold them in my heart more deeply, so I never lose trust in the power of compassionate presence. Just as these humans found hope and healing through connection, I, too, felt uplifted and inspired - in the human capacity for change and growth, and the part I could play in that process. This is one way that I make my mark. This is a fundamental part of my why. 

How do you make your mark? How do you want to have an impact?

Puzzling as Progress

So I decided to bust out a new 1000 piece puzzle two weeks ago for a fun family activity as the tropical storm was heading towards San Diego. I always associated puzzles with rest, mindfulness, and bonding with loved ones, so I was excited to get started. It was all fine and good at first, until my family members gradually tired of the extremely challenging work of getting the intricate pieces to come together, and they peeled away and busied themselves with other things. Then it became my project.

My partner regularly complained about how it was taking up too much room, and threatened to box it up when I was gone for a conference the following week. But when I came back, it was still there! He saved it for me. It seems like such a silly gesture, but suddenly I was filled with new resolve. If Cory didn't put it away, maybe he thinks I can do this thing after all. I found myself determined to prove that I could finish it. 

Every day, I tried my darnedest to make progress, but it was slow going. I felt the undone puzzle hanging over me, and it seemed weird how much I let it get to me. But it became obvious that the puzzle symbolized something more, reminding me of difficult things that I need to do that I tend to procrastinate or avoid. So every day, I spent some time chipping away at it. At first, I felt like I was barely making any progress. Then I found new approaches like focusing on identifying distinctive puzzle shapes rather than color patterns, or zeroing in on one section of the puzzle, which made me feel less overwhelmed by the more monumental task of getting it all done. I would mess with the lighting in the room or look at the puzzle from a different angle and sometimes that helped me find a path forward. Heck, the kids even joined in sometimes and helped me turn a corner a couple times when I was hitting a roadblock.

This simple puzzle ritual became an exercise in persistence and patience, and really forced me to just trust the process. I came to believe that I could really get it done and started to look forward to my solo meditative time as I slowly put the pieces together. Suddenly I wasn't checking work email after hours or obsessing over my to-do list. And when I did have to buckle down and do some work, I felt I had more bandwidth to complete other responsibilities because I had been committed to this "non-productive" downtime which naturally created some healthy boundaries between work and home. 

So, 13 days later, the puzzle is complete. I admired my work, and the finished product was missing two pieces - no surprise with two young kids and a playful cat at home! It made me smile and remember one of my favorite mantras these days, "Done, not perfect."

These are the lessons I've taken from what will be henceforth known as The Puzzle Project:

*Whether someone believes in you or not can easily sway your confidence, but in the end, faith in yourself is what will propel you forward.
*Embracing some flexibility in perspective taking can be a game-changer and support growth.
*You don't have to do it all alone - a little help from someone else can be just what you need to overcome a seemingly insurmountable hurdle.
*Creating space for creativity and play is a vital component of work-life integration.
*Release the pressure to be perfect and celebrate the good (enough).

We can do hard things! And have fun in the process.