a hazy arrival

"she’s anterior lip"

the words from the phone line
shock me awake
as i clumsily shimmy on some scrubs

it’s been a long few weeks 

peppered with sadness and heartache

coming off wards on the holidays 

in a pandemic surge.

i’m tired, but i need this.

“i have a baby to deliver!” 

i exclaim to an amused lyft driver

then take a few breaths. 

no rush, no stress

she’s a nullip, after all

she sleepily lights up when i arrive

epidural simmering

she’s labored down

let’s practice pushing

we talk about baby names and the weather 

in between contractions

it’s foggy on this uncertain morning

pairs of nervous eyes watch the fetal strip

from afar

the late dips give me pause, too

but i breathe, and i feel the progress

and i trust her process

with some more coaching, 

the pushes gain power and 

she rounds a corner

a student joins me for her first delivery

nervous but excited

hand over hand, we deliver the package

just as the fog starts to clear-

birth by fire

so many docs miss the beauty of this 

second stage

but i absorbed it all that morning 

with husband, student and nurse

cloaked in awe of the magic

a beautiful birth

a new family

a fresh chapter

a perfect antidote to so much grief

this is the power of our work

to attend to so much pain

but also connect in joy

this is family medicine.